time spent offline

When I quit social media, the most wonderful thing happened: I stopped thinking about posting any and every mildly interesting thing that I was doing on social media: a meal, a song, a scenic area. The internal dialogue of how to capture a moment and what to caption it, or how to word a complex thought into a perfect tweet, that occupied much of my thought process went away; and with it, the thought of how it will be received by my followers vanished too. I quit Instagram long before Twitter, so I rarely took pictures anymore, and if I did take photos it was often one or two for memory sake but being on Twitter, I was constantly thinking about sharing my thoughts, and some pictures too. My inner dialogue often went like this: Oooh, girl, this would be a bomb picture to post on Twitter, or lyric speaks exactly to how I really feel, or must share all the oh-so-funny-and-interesting-and-tweet-worthy thoughts I have: And boy, did I have some thoughts to share. Then I deleted my Twitter account and with it social media altogether.

A year or into quitting social media those internal dialogues stopped: Yes, it took about that long. I noticed I was doing things without thinking about sharing them online. For about two years, I did all kinds of cool things— all the cool things everyone does to feel like their life is interesting, adventurous, and has meaning— and rarely, if ever, did it cross my mind to share anything online. Not sharing my life on social media became my norm: Do things, take a few pics for memory sake— if I remembered— and keep it moving. One time a friend said to me if she was me, she would so want to share finishing my Masters on social media. I thought, I guess it would be nice to share my accomplishments online, but not sharing it didn’t feel that much different either. That was my norm: I lived life without posting about it on social media.

Then, I went back to Instagram.

Guess what happened? The internal dialogue of how to capture the perfect picture, what to caption it, and how it will be perceived by my followers started to creep back into my thought process. For the first few months, lord knows I took all those pictures I could; and lord knows I posted them; and lord knows I zoned out thinking about the best caption to impress my followers with while he asked where to get food after taking pictures; Sorry, babe, what was that? Lord knows. Even worse, since I was on Instagram to share the message spend less time online I was mostly sharing in-nature, offline activities; all the while consumed by taking the perfect outdoorsy picture for Instagram.

So, I decided to stop.

I stopped stopping for pictures. I stopped taking pictures until I got the perfect picture. I stopped posting on Instagram, if rarely. And I made some rules to live by. Take a couple pics, not a million to find the perfect shot. And, post on Instagram if there happened to be a picture or video worth sharing. This is a candid shot while camping, and this one. I prefer it. Last week, I discovered a beautiful hiking trail for my commute home right by where: I felt giddy. It is the perfect way to decompress after work; spending some time in nature as part of my commute. At first, I couldn’t help myself but think to share it on Instagram and I took a couple of videos: I didn’t post any. Another rule: Take a couple pictures and/or videos and wait a day or two before posting. That way I’m not consumed in the moment by which picture to share, what to caption it, how many likes it’s getting, replying to comments, and not enjoying the actual moment. It helps that I have turned my phone into a dumb phone.

Some things are harder to work around; like listening to the perfect song and having those intrusive thoughts like, this would make for a great caption on Instagram! *Sigh,* I hate it here; I just want to enjoy Kanye. Maybe I will delete Instagram, and social media, again if I feel it’s worth getting to enjoy life without constantly wanting to share it on social media: Worth enjoying nature, College Dropout, and overpriced meals without Instagram hijacking my brain. For now, the rules help.