time spent offline

Category: Relationships

How to get through the rough edges of life

Last week, I asked Tell me how do you get through a rough day, week, month, year, or even a lifetime? For a tip, a trick, an activity, a song, a ritual, et cetera. I was delighted to ask and receive. From you to me, to you. Thank you. (Edited for precision)

Books. When things are good, read devastating books about how cruel the world can be; it can be comforting to know others have survived worse lives. When things are bad, turn to what a sister librarian referred to as “potato chip books”— books so easy to read that you devour them without a second thought.

Appreciate the little things and go outside more. Look at nature; not just walking for the sake of it, but really looking around at nature and how it exists.
(more…)

2023-02-21
New year, better problems

(Since I don’t listen, let me reframe.)

It’s a dangerous trap, the comfort of misery.

You can spend a lifetime on the same problem; getting used to it, becoming addicted even— the complaining, the exasperated sighs, the misery. “People let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.” But the devil you know, and it is true. Because it shouldn’t be that difficult right— if I say I don’t want to spend too much time online, it’s a waste of my time, it’s lonely, isolating, boring— to get offline? But it’s easier to complain about the problems of Tinder from the comfort of my couch than to get dressed, go out, and awkwardly flirt with someone who didn’t show initial interest by swiping left/right. It’s a lot of work, this reality of ours. You are safe online. Your ego is safe, and plenty of fish to fill up on.

A lot can go wrong in real life. After all the effort it took to show up, you might not find a single person to try your luck with; you don’t run out of people on dating apps, but a venue can only hold so many people. Reality is unpredictable, indifferent to your efforts. Which brings me back to an important consideration, so what? Choose better problems in 2023. Ask yourself, what problems do I want to have this year? You will be surprised by how much better you will feel this way. You can choose the problem of app-induced loneliness, or socializing: The grass is greener where you water it. You can choose to escape yourself scrolling endlessly or face yourself in the deafening silence of stillness, to learn a thing or two, to try your luck at redemption. You are not getting out alive either way.
(more…)

2023-01-03
Hard decisions, easy life

Things fall apart.

“I am so happy I’m not on social media!” I practically yell it out.

We are at our usual spot drinking and chatting. I’m venting; I cannot believe my luck. In August I left a life behind, a life I thought would last a lifetime. I don’t remember September. I got so scared by October I printed out a calendar and made a single promise to myself: All I needed to do for the next three months, for the remainder of the year was get through each and every day by any means necessary, by all means necessary. I expected nothing else of myself and nothing beyond— I put a big fat X when I woke up each morning. It surprised me, and at times delighted me, my sheer will to keep on living. You won’t die from sadness, that’s an important lesson, but unplugged, undistracted, and offline, I had no choice but to face my life head on with a trembling heart and my shaky soul until I’d find heaven.
(more…)

2022-12-26
Another year (mostly) spent offline

2022 beat my ass. I aged ten years in two weeks, what did you accomplish? Getting offline won’t save you from yourself, that’s lesson one. Nothing will save your from yourself, except maybe death, but then it won’t matter anyway. In the meantime, getting (mostly) offline has made life much better. Compared to what? I can’t say, but it feels better. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving and I’m excited to see where this journey, this little adventure of mine, will take me. There is no going back now.
(more…)

2022-12-20
Apps won’t cure your loneliness

(Sorry, social media followers don’t count.)

Accept failure.

I’m browsing at my favourite shop with my best friend. “Girl, look at you!” I look up beaming. Compliments from strangers are the best; your boyfriend should think you are beautiful. The usual small talk ensues until we find a common ground. “Where are you from?” In Toronto, one of the most multicultural and multiracial cities in the world, this is a common question from strangers; it means where are you originally from. Ethiopia. Oromo. Harare. No longer stranger, we are linked together with thousands of years of tradition, custom, and love. I pull out my phone, “let’s exchange numbers!” By evening we are texting to make plans to hang out that weekend. We do, and it doesn’t work out as I had hoped. Everybody ain’t for everybody.
(more…)

2022-11-15
A year (trying to) spent offline

You win some. You lose some.

Five ways I spent less time online in 2021.

1. I quit social media (again)

After three glorious years without social media, and seven years away from those IG streets, I signed up for Instagram in mid-2020. Why? To share the most important message of our time: Spend less time online and (re)discover the pleasures of the offline world. Instagram won: I was spending way too much time on the app, trapped in a vicious cycle of mindless scrolling. #Fail.

Instagram: 1
Me: 0
(more…)

2021-12-27
Where did everyone go?

^{(It will make sense)}
(more…)

2021-10-19
The loneliest place

The loneliest place has billions of people on it.

The loneliest place promises to connect us with billions of people worldwide, at any given moment of the day.

The loneliest place is where we spend the majority of our time.

The loneliest place is full of noise, chatter, arguments.

The loneliest place is supposed to make us feel less lonely.

Not long ago, I used to spend a lot of my time at the loneliest place; engrossed, addicted, alone.
(more…)

2021-10-04
When someone is wrong on the internet

(more…)

2021-09-21
Should you delete social media? That’s the wrong question

When I was 21, I asked the wrong question: Should I delete social media?

I had plenty of reasons; rescue my attention, stop social comparison, connect with people more deeply, blah, blah, blah. You know, the usual. And so, after some contemplation after learning about the attention economy and getting angry enough at social media, I deleted Twitter in 2017, and spent three years blissfully disconnected from it all. Then, I got hooked on Reddit. I didn’t even have an account. I reasoned that if I didn’t have an account, then it didn’t count. I spent hours lurking Reddit, mostly, and ironically, on subreddits like /r/nosurf and /r/digitalminimalism.
(more…)

2021-08-03