time spent offline

Every U.S. election cycle, even as a Canadian, I am utterly delighted to not be on social media. One reason I quit the news, amongst many other reasons, is that I hate being blatantly lied to. In fact, I respect clever lies; I work with teenagers and I am delighted by their ingenious lies to get out of doing things they don’t want to do without hurting my feelings, but the media? They don’t even try, they think I’m a total idiot— I will show them who’s the idiot. Some games you can only win by not playing, and I cannot lose. And really, to be honest, it was never the news I was consuming, just 140-character rage-bait headlines passing off as factual, informative “news” on Twitter. It is really a boring waste of life, politics, yes, but also pretending to be into politics so you have something to Tweet about; something to say while pretending to enjoy meandering chatter before another useless meeting. When I stopped watching the news, I had to come up with something else to talk about during our meandering chatter and I learned quickly to get to the fun, interesting stuff before I was expected to pledge allegiance, and wow, on the other end of 140-character tweets is a real person, a lot like you and me.

And it’s easy to forget this simple fact when you are scrolling through the avatars from the corner of your couch, comfortable and all alone with your screens: Easy, peasy. The screens flatten. There is no real person in front of you, just the idea of a person; whatever idea you can conceive of the avatar who just tweeted the dumbest shit you have heard since the sun rose this morning— A total idiot. And you hit Reply and begin to craft the cleverest response you can fathom, from the corner of your couch, all alone, shouting at the avatar on the other end of the screen— What an idiot! And at this point you might argue, you might protest, you would never do such a thing, never argue with the avatars online; and that is a good start, but does it make a difference if you were just to think it? To reduce the avatars on your screen to a single tweet, or even a series of tweets about a topic, an idea and deem them a total idiot?

Unlike you.

In reality, it’s more difficult to forget, to be such a reductionist reactionist— What an idiot! Maybe it’s those laugh lines you know are from years of a life well-lived, joyfully cackling at the world, and the twinkle in their eyes as they say perhaps the dumbest shit you have ever heard up until that point in your life, but it’s harder to flatten them to just this thing or that with those kind, playful eyes smiling at you; Warm as a night in August. Or maybe it’s that story you remember about their childhood and you can’t fathom how someone can be so strong, so resilient, unbreakable, and so it’s easier to forgive them for their idiotic opinion about this other thing— You might even chuckle despite yourself: Hoooooooooly shit! Besides, who made you the holder of the non-idiotic opinion? You ever wonder, maybe it’s you who is the idiot with this one thing, or that other thing, but on a whole, for the most part, lord knows you try to be good, kind. And don’t you know it, if you try to get to the fun, interesting stuff quick during your meandering chatters, lord knows other people, just like you, try to be good, kind most of time.

And it’s easy to remember this simple fact, that people are good and kind for the most part, most of the time if you spend enough time in reality in meandering chatters with all kinds of people; waiting for your coffee, while the cashier scans your groceries, and the receptionist at the doctor’s office is getting your information for your next appointment. It’s a complete, total delight, these fleeting moments of connection with a real person, a lot like you; chatting about the weather and other random things you have in common IRL, and these are the people behind the avatars, the tweets. Unless of course, the avatar is a bot which is then even worse— Imagine getting all worked up over an opinion posted by an artificial, fake, non-living thing? At this point, might as well just yell at your couch or the coffee machine, it makes no difference. But if it is a person on the other end of the screen, and it is best to assume this in any case, then remember the simple fact, despite differing opinions and ideas on some things, most things, all things, it is a real person, a lot like you, on the other end of the 140-character tweets. Or is it 240 characters now? It’s been a while but in any case, as a reminder, maybe a little mantra for time spent online: A real person, a lot like you.