time spent offline

Spending less time online is the easy part: There is even an app for that.

Then there is reality, the danger zone. The lull in conversations, the in-between moments waiting for your Iced Caffè Americano, the void demanding to be acknowledged at exactly 9:46pm, as if it were bidding its time patiently all day long while you used up all your excuses— work, chores, family— to avoid it.

What do you do? You run back to safety, of course. The avatars are safer. You can scroll them down, take your time curating the perfect response; backspace on the period so you don’t sound too passive aggressive, and replace it with exclamation points!!!! There, better. You can even block them if you feel annoyed enough. Brave enough. Who are those people anyway?!? After all, social media offers you the ability to like/dislike people at your convenience, from a distance with a single click, tap, scroll.

Reality is far less comforting, downright cruel at times.

You must stay alert at all times— PAY ATTENTION — to what someone is saying, their body language, their terrible manners and funny jokes. You must respond right away too. No time to take your time arranging and rearranging your punctuations so what you say isn’t taken out of context. You try your luck at a joke and it lands flat; she smiles at you politely.

You were so funny on Twitter, what happened to you?

On Reddit too, all your clever come backs that can make a grown man cry. All the time you spent in your head, alone, typing the perfect response to that idiot who said things only an idiot would say. The upvotes pouring in, the avatars cheering you on. In real life, you can get punched. Worse, nobody cares. Reality is dangerous.

I never witness IRL half the bravado I used to consume online. It’s kind of boring, the IRL script. To entertain myself, I have perfected the art of poking at people until they break free from the script and poke right back. The dull eyes of boredom replaced with shimmering delight. Curiosity works! Ask questions: But why? Oh right, and why is that? I learn all my tricks for living in reality from children. When in doubt, act like a child and pester the adults with your curiosity. Last time waiting for my fawaffle, asking the owner all kinds of questions, he says to me, “you’re easy to talk to,” and I want to kiss him. I used to be so terrified of talking to strangers until I gave myself no choice but to run towards the danger.

I recently read Sarah Polley’s memoir Run Towards the Danger, first recommended by a friend, then coincidently it happened to be September’s book for my book club. I liked it a lot. During the book club discussion, however, it dawned on me there were things that I didn’t like. I, like the others, wanted more closure, more explanation for all that happened. Peer pressure? Entitlement? Then, the book club shared Polley was presenting at the Toronto International Festival of Authors so I invited the same friend who recommended me the book. She invited her friend and her sister.

Meeting new people is always nerve-racking: Dangerous! What if I don’t get along with her friend? Her sister? What if it’s awkward? What if we don’t have anything in common? What if they’re better than me? More articulated? More accomplished? What if we don’t like each other? Danger, danger, DANGER! I run towards it. I have no choice. My escape now is reality. The offline world is all I have left: All that remains. And it is rare that I am let down by people I meet IRL, the conversations we have; the potential for expanding my community.

And that’s why I choose the danger, actively seek it even, over and over again. I know exactly what happen after a night spent scrolling through Reddit: Nothing.

No great story starts with, “so I was on Reddit Wednesday after work and…”

Reality offers a chance at something else, something beyond carefully curated avatars and their carefully curated responses. It’s jarring and delicious at the same time. It leaves you wanting more. No, not in the sense that social media, with its cheap tricks and fake news, keeps you wanting more, but in the sense that reality leaves you desperate for more of the glimmering light in their eyes as they cackle at your joke and you realize after years effort, you have perfected your stupidly silly jokes and it lands right smack in their gut.

In fact, I have always been funny. I was very funny on Twitter: Young, outrageously hilarious, indifferent to consequences. But it wouldn’t transfer into real life, I retreated back into my shell when confronted with reality. I couldn’t understand the rules of reality; the pace, energy, attention, and effort it required terrified me. Yet, I couldn’t reconcile with the fact that after I crafted my witty, clever, perfectly hilarious 140-characters tweet and pressed share, chuckling to myself at another brilliant tweet, I looked around and I was alone; no faces, no smiles, no glimmering eyes— no uncontrollable laughter and a joke made right back that makes everything funnier.

It wasn’t easy at first. I had to keep at it for years and years and years to learn the pace, energy, attention, effort reality requires. Nothing feels worse than failing at an attempt to connect with another human, to be friendly, flirty and fall flat! But when it works, when two souls collide and it clicks, it’s a piece of heaven on earth. It is heaven. Practice makes perfect. RUN TOWARDS THE DANGER!