time spent offline

time spent offline is not for everyone. In fact, it’s for a very select few delusional and foolish enough to dream of a reality beyond the digital noise they say is just life now, you know. And the thing is you almost believe them. You can’t fathom what the alternative could be, if there is still one. There was Before, of course, if you’re lucky enough— old enough— to remember. But Before is no longer, is it? And even if you are courageous enough to give up your smart smartphone, your work might require it. They will even give you one at no cost to you. You chuckle to yourself: It’s true what they say, you can run but you can’t hide. The digital is everywhere. Indeed, that’s just life now.

And yet, you believe anyway. Even when you have no reason to believe, even when everyone and everything is online these days, and when they all seem blissfully and contentedly lost inside their black mirrors. Scroll, scroll, scroll; tap, tap, tap. You wonder why you let such trivial and silly things bother you. Why can’t you just be normal like them? They seem fine. Scroll, scroll, scroll; tap, tap, tap. But you can’t shake off this nagging feeling— in-between Tik Tok, Tik Tok, Tik Tok and another sleepless night raging at the headline: Why Everyone and Everything Sucks and #WhyYou ShouldTweetAboutIt— that there has to be something better, something else out there than what they say is life now.

But, every time you try to get away from it, every time you make an honest, debilitating effort to put away your phone, ignore the apps and the rage, and attempt touching grass, it’s only a matter of time before you run back to Silicon Valley’s digital playground. What do you do? You hate yourself, of course. Why even bother? Don’t you know you can’t win the war waged against your attention— against your humanity— by people far smarter, better, richer than you? They know you better than you know yourself; don’t you know that too? They know your brain, primed over millennials for survival, cannot look away from the red bubble: Danger, danger, danger. There is no danger, of course— so and so liked your photo— but you spend hours in vertical position awaiting for that red bubble to appear because you brain wants to protect you. Your brain wants confirmation that you are wanted, liked, approved by the pack; you are safe then. But it’s all fake, isn’t it? Because after the notifications are read, after the comments are posted, after the emojis are shared, you look around and you are all alone. The quietness of your reality deafening.

And, so what?

Of course, you can just give up. You’ve already lost anyway. All your youth wasted chasing that red bubble; and what do you have to show for it? The avatars you exchange for another avatar the moment they bore you? All your clever and extensively researched comebacks on Twitter to that idiot who says things only an idiot would say? The likes and comments you collect on Instagram that couldn’t hold you tight the night the world was closing in on you? Or is it the wife you ignore because the avatars understand you better than that bitch anyway? May the gods forgive you. But really, What do you have to show for all the time you spend online? You are here because the answer makes you want to recoil and die.

And you won’t just give up. You can’t anyway. Something in you keeps nagging at you— pleading, begging. Please, I don’t want to waste my life here anymore! And thank god there is no going back. It’s too late, you know too much now. Didn’t you listen when they said ignorance is bliss? Why did you go poking holes at reality? You never listen! You too could have been blissfully and contentedly lost inside their black mirrors. Instead, you hate yourself for wanting Silicon Valley’s curated digital pacifiers to ignore your reality. When you know better. It disgusts you; their cheap tricks and trills, even when you can’t seem to put the phone down. It’s too late. You’ll never be content here. Don’t torture yourself with one foot in, one foot out.

So, Commit.

There are no 10-step tricks to getting offline. No gimmicks. Trust me I have spent almost a decade searching every corner of the internet looking for 10 Proven and Easy Ways to Spend Less Time Online. They are lying to us. There is no easy way out. You want to get off the digital train? Get off! Jump. Confront reality. Trust reality will adjust and be far better than your wildest dreams. Better to try your luck at real life than for sure rot your brain on the internet anyway. Make that small talk everyone bitches about from the corner of their bed and witness heaven unfold. Talking about the weather with random strangers IRL is infinitely better than your carefully cited insights into global warming on reddit(dot)com. You know why? Because, after you exhaust the weather, you might get to the part, the part where they tell you things you wouldn’t believe; invite you to things where you can talk to people about the weather for years to come; with drinks, food, and other delights. After clicking Post on your clever tweets, you are still all alone in the corner of your couch. The avatars have moved on to cheer for another post. What do you have to show for it? Nothing, because it is not real. NONE OF THIS IS REAL. So, what do you really want? For real, for real? No, not this, please. Don’t waste away here. Try your luck at real life.

All good things take effort.