time spent offline

As you are well aware of by now, plenty of people stay in miserable relationships but nobody wants to leave a happy marriage— And people who are content with social media don’t read time spent offline.

You are here because you are unhappy over there, and although there is a part of you that wants to leave, wants out, another part of you is scared you might need it, it might be as good as it’s going to get, or worse it could be worse out there.

I understand.

I, too, was once trapped over there, too afraid to leave, too miserable to stay.

The thing is by 2011, long before the warnings from those who cared enough to say something, I knew social media was no good for me. In the three years we spent together, I knew all Facebook did was waste my time, make me feel terribly self-conscious, and take me away from the thing that was truly important, reality; and all I could do was remain scrolling because the world said this is now the thing to do, the way to be.

But one lucky day, overcome with rage from witnessing another day— time; life— wasting away while I scrolled through Facebook, I furiously clicked on Settings, scrolled to find the Delete Account button and with a single click I deleted Facebook.

Unfortunately, it was too late by then. With Facebook gone, there remained Tumblr, if you remember, and Instagram went from being a photo editing app to a social media platform, and Twitter was gloriously, endlessly, addictively entertaining, and despite myself, despite knowing better, I got hooked on 140-character tweets and carefully edited and captioned photos for another six years.

Until I have had enough by 2017.

And the thing is, and you know this, the thing is social media is not all bad, all the time.

If it were, if it were just terrible, toxic, infuriating people and their terrible, toxic, infuriating posts and tweets, and only that, it would be easy to leave: Of course, of course, of course!

But there is also that really cool person you follow who posts really cool stuff that you really like, and lets not forget, all your friends, family, and acquaintances you effortlessly keep in touch with with a like on their new baby photo, and a Congratulations left under the job promotion post, and it’s also important to mention all the events, parties, and things you find out about because you are on Instagram scrolling past 1:06am cursing your insomnia: Of course, of course, of course!

Social media is not just idiots arguing about things only idiots would argue about, and not just never feeling good enough because of the endless posts of everyone happily married, happily vacationing, happily drop-dead gorgeous, and it’s also important to mention, it’s not just how exhausting it feels to try and capture the perfect day, the perfect moment, the perfect feeling to show everyone else that you, too, are out there living a perfectly beautiful life.

And so, despite all the ways social media can be terrible, toxic, infuriating— a useless, banal waste of time— you stay because, of course, there are some good, some of the time.

And the thing is, of course, you choose to stay for some good some of the time even when it is mostly terrible, toxic, infuriating most of the time.

It’s easier that way; simpler.

You have history there: The photos, the posts, and even the avatars you have befriended over the years. Why bother leaving? It’s been so long anyway. What is the point in leaving now?

All your friends and families are there. What would be out there for you? Sure, this is mostly terrible, toxic, infuriating, a useless, banal waste of your time and attention, but who knows what awaits if you leave? All alone out there.

Better the devil you know than…

And there is still some good some of the time. Some weekends, some evenings even, you might find a post, a comment, that makes you laugh out loud; “See, it’s not so bad!” You plead with yourself. What you don’t know, what you won’t know until it is too late and you give yourself no option but to leave and stay gone is that while it is okay to settle for some good some of the time, and you would be in good company of plenty others enduring a similar fate, there is also a whole world out there with a lot of good most of the time.

The thing is, and I think you know this, the thing is that that world out there with a lot of good most of the time is not guaranteed. That’s the scary part- Why most endure the fate of some good some of the time.

If it were guaranteed that once you decide you have had enough of feeling mostly terrible, furious, and wasting your time, and get the hell out— facing the unknown all by yourself— that you would find a world where life slows down, beauty is all around you, and you come alive each day simply by paying attention to reality all around you, you of anyone else would leave social media in a heartbeat. But there is no guarantee. You must believe, you must tell yourself, there is something better out there for you, even when there is no guarantee. You must believe it to see it.

If it helps, I promise there is a whole world out there IRL with a lot of good most of the time, and with enough courage, effort, patience, you can find it; Enter it, make it all yours. You can, with enough time, effort, patience, spend most of your weekends laughing with friends until tears sting your eyes, get in bed dreaming of your mornings spent safely playing with words, and wake up with a sense of belonging; Day after day spent in solitude, with lots of company, lots of life-affirming experiences all happening in real time. It is possible, but the only way to find out is to leave that which is keeping you feeling terrible, infuriated, miserable— wasting your time and attention. Leaving social media is like leaving a toxic relationship you thought you couldn’t live without only to find out not only could you live without it, but there is a perfectly beautiful life out there for you to find without it.

You decide.