I made this list for anyone who is also bored of the average things to do offline lists cluttering Google. I know who writes those things, just between you and I, *whispers* ChatGPT *shudders.* It has to be AI generated to be so boring, robotic, uninspiring, repetitive. I, too, got bored of such advice and went looking for my own answers. This list is 100% algorithm-free and made with deep appreciation for time spent offline, from my many years of relentless pursuit to find the pleasures of the offline world. Take what you need, leave the rest. ❤
(more…)Category: Relationships
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Five wholesome, algorithm-free tips for cultivating a rich(er) social life
Making friends is easy when you go offline.
You don’t have much choice anyway. What are you going to do? Stare at a wall? No. You learn to appreciate people, love people, connect with people IRL. You don’t need social media to be social either. In fact, years and some effort later, I have become more social without social media and spending most of my time offline than while I was on social media and spending a great deal of my days online. The internet has this amazing power in convincing us that we are being social on Facebook while providing breadcrumbs of what it means to actually be social. To feel connected, I need a hug. A touch. A knowing smile, an eye-roll; a simple eye contact. I am biased but, since it happened to me, I believe a lot more people would be more social and cultivate better IRL connections if the internet disappeared tomorrow. Regardless, here are five tips for crafting a wholesome, algorithm-free social life that is fulfilling, enriching, and full of joy and excitement.
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The relentless pursuit of time spent offline
Silicon Valley says I should download this app and that as if it is for my own good. Asks What is on your mind? as if we are besties, lovers, friends. Constantly nudges me with its cheap tricks to look, look, look! I say, no, no, no— hell no! I look to life desperately: Please help.
Life, willing to pay any price I ask of it, asks, “Are you sure this is the price you want to pay? Just so you’s sure, sweetheart.” Might as well, I say to no one in particular— a long, long time ago. Because if I know one thing, one thing for sure, the living is costly either way. I delete social media, quit the news, dumb down my smartphone. I try all the tips, tricks, and tools I read about online, in the books, the podcasts, and videos to unplug, disconnect, and spend less time online. Life shrugs and adjusts.
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With love, time spent offline
You think, foolishly, mistakenly, if you hate the internet, social media, your stupidly overpriced phone— Remember, you chose it— and yourself for spending yet another weekend scrolling through the deafening sounds of tik tok, tik tok, tik tok, a ticking time bomb, then you will finally be able to unplug, disconnect, and get offline. Lord knows you have read all the articles under the sun: The Internet holds an infinite amount of information. You listen to the experts and diligently follow their advice. You track your ScreenTime meticulously, try 30-Day No Internet Challenges, and even remove the addictive apps off of your stupidly smart smartphone some of the time. And you cannot wait until you are finally that person: No social media, no internet, no email, no smartphone. You are foolish, and perhaps delusional, of course. If it were that easy, if it only required the hate you give until you were freed from your addiction(s), then everyone would be offline/sober. Especially you of anyone else. But what has your hate accomplished so far? Where has all your effort in blocking, removing, abstinence, and self-loathing has gotten you? Maybe a few days of solace on that camping trip where the service was spotty anyway, but you were back at it by Monday morning, with coffee on one hand, the other tapping, scrolling, loathing— Yourself and Others— on your stupidly expensive and smart phone.
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How to host a dinner party
The hardest part about giving up an addiction, whether it’s alcohol or the “internet,” is the time that remains.
The time, attention, and energy that was spent preoccupied with attaining, engaging with, and recovering from alcohol— buying, consuming, hiding, soothing the deadly hangovers, and so forth becomes available. That’s what someone on Reddit said anyway. And, what do you do without? You host a dinner party. Lucky for me, although I have had my fare share of drinks and other drugs, I choose the more socially accepted addiction to preoccupy myself with: The “internet.” If I were to go back in time and add up all the time, energy and attention I spent as a user— of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Reddit— it would add up to a number that would break my heart in half.
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Showing up for delight
I write this post with delight.
The day is still young— 10:18am on a Saturday to be exact. I sit at one of the computers at the public library and write these words. Before this, I have already had a delightful morning: An hour spent with The Forty Rules of Love— a book for anyone looking to love (No, not for love, but to love); another hour spent pouring my heart out on a $3 notebook; coffee. Besides checking my email habitually upon waking up, it is a morning of silence, solitude and contemplation— with just me, myself, and I. A delight, indeed. After I have exhausted myself with solitude and without the “internet,” I find myself itching for the outside world; to pay attention, notice, feel a thing or two. Sure, I can write from the comfort of my home; tiny, cozy, and safe from the outside world, and on a prohibitively expensive laptop— forgive me, Apple raised me— but what is the fun in that?
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Living in community: A deliberate practice
How did the most connected generation end up being the loneliest?
If there is one thing that defines the internet generation, it is loneliness. Loneliness plagues modern life. More and more, we find ourselves without plenty deep and meaningful relationships and beloved communities that provide us environments of healing where we can find wholeness and wellness, ones that we can consistently go back to, to return to ourselves; a place of being. To compensate for this lack of community, connections, and belonging, we turn all our focus and energy towards our romantic relationship. We use romance as the only space where we seek to feel connected, loved, cared for, understood, and all the other emotional cravings we seek.
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20 lessons from 24 hours spent without screens
- I love my smartphone. I love GPS. I love my music apps- Hoopla and Apple Music. I love looking up the weather and knowing before it’s too late. I LOVE THE UBER APP— more on this later. I love iMessage and trying to beat the text bubble appearing before my punch line. And I love brain-dumping in my Notes app. That’s about what my dumb-smartphone can do.
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What is social media for?
This past weekend, I get a text from a friend asking to send her a picture of myself.
I jokingly reply, “you got a man for me?” and I send her a photo anyway. It’s a selfie another friend took of us back in September. I rarely take selfies, and do what with it? I see my face every morning, night, and in between. Later, I figure I probably came up in a conversation and my friend wanted to show a picture, to say this is the person I’m talking about. Usually, people pull up a person’s social media and say, here this person, but I’m not on social media. Maybe not. She texts me afterwards, “I need you to get on social media,” and I reply that will never happen. But it got me thinking: Will I ever get back on social media?
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Information killed the cat
It surprises me how much I know.
Maybe it’s years of scrounging the Internet for answers. Maybe it was that Media Literacy course I paid way too much money for: In fact, I’m still making payments on, and perplexed by infatuation I barely pay attention. But it’s enough to save me later on. Most likely it’s my parents. I hate to admit it, but culture, tradition, way-of-being that dates back thousands of years, and it hurts to even fathom it; I ran away. It never lets me get away. It knows me better than I know myself, I know it better than I know myself. The Internet it too young to understand these things.
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time spent offline 