Last week, with the power out and the only light from my smartphone illuminating my tiny bathroom, I turn on the shower praying the water is still hot, lukewarm at least. Cold water sputters; I whimper. The stories from The Nightingale come to mind as if to mock me. Do you know what happens in war? The ugly rumours, the List, the roundups, the ration cards, and the too long lines waiting for so little food— and mothers who don’t eat so their children don’t starve and they still have to bury them anyway because bullets don’t discriminate— and definitely no hot water. I step into the shower. On my commute, I get lost in The Nightingale again, fighting back tears, unable to fathom the terror the human spirit can endure. Here I am, barely able to endure the agony of reading the words on paper, while tucked safely on a seat on the Subway, my biggest threat a drugged out man screaming obscenities at no one in particular, and from a safe distance, oh, and a cold shower— The power was back by the time I left for work. And I know it ends: World War II. Another story for the history books; another story told of human suffering in a long list of human sufferings: Say You’re One of Them, Things Fall Apart, Homegoing, Caging Skies, Man’s Search for Meaning, A Long Way Gone. I read, and read, and read. And when I exhaust myself and he says, “sure babe, I’m listening,” I read to him too— My Parent’s Bedroom: Choking back tears, voice breaking, holding back a scream. He’s mostly watching the road but he glances at me: What kind of benevolent God would allow such a thing?
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I broke my laptop and my grades improved!
I wrote this article back in 2018, fresh out of school, after reading Susan Dynarski’s Laptops Are Great. But Not During a Lecture or a Meeting. Back when I was just beginning to take my time spent offline journey seriously. Five years later, I reflect fondly and with gratitude on the small and big changes, inspirations, and lessons that got me here.
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Reality is dangerous
Spending less time online is the easy part: There is even an app for that.
Then there is reality, the danger zone. The lull in conversations, the in-between moments waiting for your Iced Caffè Americano, the void demanding to be acknowledged at exactly 9:46pm, as if it were bidding its time patiently all day long while you used up all your excuses— work, chores, family— to avoid it.
What do you do? You run back to safety, of course. The avatars are safer. You can scroll them down, take your time curating the perfect response; backspace on the period so you don’t sound too passive aggressive, and replace it with exclamation points!!!! There, better. You can even block them if you feel annoyed enough. Brave enough. Who are those people anyway?!? After all, social media offers you the ability to like/dislike people at your convenience, from a distance with a single click, tap, scroll.
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If social media didn’t exist
As someone who has spent the better part of the past six years without social media, I can make bold claims like most of us would be better off if social media didn’t exist: Socially, psychologically, physiologically— Most of us know this to be true instinctively. I wonder then, how come we choose social media over our social, mental, physical wellbeing? Would it have been so bad if we all collectively avoided social media, ignored Facebook and never bothered to make a Twitter account, and let it all die off in its infancy back in 2008? Yet, here we are and social media is a necessary evil; Something unpleasant that must be accepted in order to achieve a particular result. But at what cost? And what if social media was not a necessary evil, not even necessary at all? What if it didn’t exist entirely?
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10 rules for play
Rule 1: Define play
Play is the work of children. It consists of those activities performed for self-amusement. It is child-directed, and the rewards come from within the individual child; it is enjoyable and spontaneous.
- How do you define play for yourself?
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Collateral Damage: Who’s to blame?
I notice it at the playground. The parent is engrossed in their phone and the child calls out: “Mom, mom, look! Mom! Look! Mom!” The parent barely looks up, disoriented by reality after being lost in a sea of digital content; “Oh wow, very cool, Jason,” and goes back to staring down. I want to scream. The child goes back to playing and I try to ignore what I briefly recognize on his lovely, tiny, innocent face: The pain of neglect, of lack of attention. Maybe I’m projecting, knowing neglect too well myself: I must be projecting. Then, I feel sad. I feel sad for the child. I feel sad for the parent. I feel sad for all of us enslaved by the attention machine.
I wonder, Who is to blame for iPad kids raised by iPhone parents? The parents? Silicon Valley? Apple? You? Me? All of us?
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100 ways to spend more time offline: Not your average list
I made this list for anyone who is also bored of the average things to do offline lists cluttering Google. I know who writes those things, just between you and I, *whispers* ChatGPT *shudders.* It has to be AI generated to be so boring, robotic, uninspiring, repetitive. I, too, got bored of such advice and went looking for my own answers. This list is 100% algorithm-free and made with deep appreciation for time spent offline, from my many years of relentless pursuit to find the pleasures of the offline world. Take what you need, leave the rest. ❤
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Five wholesome, algorithm-free tips for cultivating a rich(er) social life
Making friends is easy when you go offline.
You don’t have much choice anyway. What are you going to do? Stare at a wall? No. You learn to appreciate people, love people, connect with people IRL. You don’t need social media to be social either. In fact, years and some effort later, I have become more social without social media and spending most of my time offline than while I was on social media and spending a great deal of my days online. The internet has this amazing power in convincing us that we are being social on Facebook while providing breadcrumbs of what it means to actually be social. To feel connected, I need a hug. A touch. A knowing smile, an eye-roll; a simple eye contact. I am biased but, since it happened to me, I believe a lot more people would be more social and cultivate better IRL connections if the internet disappeared tomorrow. Regardless, here are five tips for crafting a wholesome, algorithm-free social life that is fulfilling, enriching, and full of joy and excitement.
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The relentless pursuit of time spent offline
Silicon Valley says I should download this app and that as if it is for my own good. Asks What is on your mind? as if we are besties, lovers, friends. Constantly nudges me with its cheap tricks to look, look, look! I say, no, no, no— hell no! I look to life desperately: Please help.
Life, willing to pay any price I ask of it, asks, “Are you sure this is the price you want to pay? Just so you’s sure, sweetheart.” Might as well, I say to no one in particular— a long, long time ago. Because if I know one thing, one thing for sure, the living is costly either way. I delete social media, quit the news, dumb down my smartphone. I try all the tips, tricks, and tools I read about online, in the books, the podcasts, and videos to unplug, disconnect, and spend less time online. Life shrugs and adjusts.
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With love, time spent offline
You think, foolishly, mistakenly, if you hate the internet, social media, your stupidly overpriced phone— Remember, you chose it— and yourself for spending yet another weekend scrolling through the deafening sounds of tik tok, tik tok, tik tok, a ticking time bomb, then you will finally be able to unplug, disconnect, and get offline. Lord knows you have read all the articles under the sun: The Internet holds an infinite amount of information. You listen to the experts and diligently follow their advice. You track your ScreenTime meticulously, try 30-Day No Internet Challenges, and even remove the addictive apps off of your stupidly smart smartphone some of the time. And you cannot wait until you are finally that person: No social media, no internet, no email, no smartphone. You are foolish, and perhaps delusional, of course. If it were that easy, if it only required the hate you give until you were freed from your addiction(s), then everyone would be offline/sober. Especially you of anyone else. But what has your hate accomplished so far? Where has all your effort in blocking, removing, abstinence, and self-loathing has gotten you? Maybe a few days of solace on that camping trip where the service was spotty anyway, but you were back at it by Monday morning, with coffee on one hand, the other tapping, scrolling, loathing— Yourself and Others— on your stupidly expensive and smart phone.
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time spent offline 